Valeria Lukyanova, real life Barbie doll.

The Attractiveness Dichotomy (Men vs. Women)

(Disclaimer: when I refer to a group {for example: women}, I’m not necessarily referring to all members of that particular group, but to a significant number of those members. Nothing I say is meant as an all-inclusive blanket statement. I’m lazy, and don’t want to preface my usage of words like men with a quantifying word like some or many.)

di·chot·o·my – noun \dī-ˈkä-tə-mē also də-\ : something with seemingly contradictory qualities. (See: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dichotomy).

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a mate that you find attractive. Back in ye (very) olden days, attractiveness was based mainly on the physical attributes that helped to ensure the further survival of the species; childbearing hips or a broad back, for example. Nowadays, however, we’re far more discriminating. Those healthy women with childbearing hips of old are now considered to be fat, and a broad back is no longer an indicator of the ability to provide. We’ve moved from attractiveness being measured purely biologically to being measured on aesthetics. This is where the dichotomy between the sexes starts.

What men find attractive requires a lot more effort on the part of the other person than what women find attractive. Men often wonder why women find a lot of gay men attractive. It’s because all men play to their audience, and women can enjoy the show that gay men put on from the back row. Heterosexual men play towards what they think women want, which isn’t very much, while homosexual men play towards other men who are just as discriminating as heteros. Because of this, gay men put more time and effort into their appearance, believing that they need to be more attractive than average to find a mate. Straight men tend to do the minimum because women place less value on appearance than men, so we don’t push the issue much.

Let’s take a closer look at the minimum requirements for both sides.

What men minimally EXPECT women to do in order to be considered attractive (I think I may have missed a few things that should be in this list):

1. Be skinny.

2. Have large breasts.

3. Have no wrinkles or grey hairs.

4. Have a pretty face.

5. Have good muscle tone (without looking like a weightlifter).

6. Have a flawless complexion with a perfect tan.

7. Shower.

8. Wash and condition hair.

9. Remove every hair on their body that exists below the neck (yes, ALL of it)..

10. Put on lotion for that smooth, soft skinned feel. (“It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!”)

11. Put on “sexy” (uncomfortable) underwear (e.g. ass-floss and under-wire torture bras. Whupsies! Did I say torture? I meant to say push-up. My bad).

12. Apply antiperspirant/deodorant.

13. Put on clean, stylish and potentially uncomfortable clothes and shoes.

14. Brush teeth.

15. Blow dry, comb and style their hair (which can take a half hour or more).

16. Pluck, wax or thread their eyebrows into a pleasing shape (this stuff hurts!).

17. Apply makeup (depending on style of makeup, this can take a while).

Now they’re ready to pickup on, or be picked-up by men.

What women minimally EXPECT men to do in order to be considered attractive:

1. Don’t be morbidly obese.

2. Shower.

3. Wash hair.

4. Shave or trim facial hair. (I, for one, don’t care whether or not a man has facial hair, but either way, it’s best to keep it in a state that doesn’t feel like a cactus, whether it be because they’re clean-shaven or because the hair has gotten long enough to not be sharp.)

5. Brush teeth.

6. Put on clean underwear.

7. Apply antiperspirant/deodorant.

8. Put on clean shorts/jeans, a T-shirt and a pair of sneakers (or whatever their normal casual wear is).

9. Comb and style hair.

Now they’re ready to pickup on, or be picked-up by women.

Anything beyond these steps is an unexpected bonus for us ladies, and believe me, women appreciate it when men go the extra mile. “Coz’ every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man,” (ZZ Top, 1983).

Note the large difference in the number of things to be done, as well as the amount of time involved in doing those things. Also note that the things men are expected to do fall into the good hygiene category, as opposed to the strictly appearance category. Women are expected to do the equivalent of the things men are supposed to do, along with 8 or more other things.

A lack of good hygiene is the only appearance related deal-breaker for me, because it’s the only thing that a person has total control of. There are no are no excuses for having consistently poor hygiene. Smelling bad and being dirty after mowing the lawn, exercising, or other things of that nature is unavoidable, but easily repaired by bathing.

A lot of men think they should be able to pickup a perfect 10 to shag just by having good hygiene, and when they can’t, they get angry and blame women for it. This is part of what people call “the male privilege” or “male entitlement.” These men think that they’re owed sex just for showing up and that hot women are obligated to give it to them. If they don’t, men will call them snobs and bitches (among other things in their large vocabulary of derogatory terms). Society has taught them that they are owed a perfect mate (even if the mate is way out of their league) just for having a penis. Google “The Nice Guys of OK Cupid” and read any of the articles from news or blog sites to get a better idea of male entitlement. Most of those guys are the spokesmen for male entitlement/privilege it without even realizing it.

They seldom give women who don’t meet the minimum requirements of attractiveness (see above) the time of day. On the occasions that a man goes for anyone that’s less than an 8, they will often ask the woman to change, regardless of the cost or the fact that, in some cases, meeting those minimums require going under the knife to “fix” even though it’s not broken.

As for myself, if a man meets those minimum requirements and we have good compatibility, I’m not going to ignore him because of, or try to “fix” the fact that he doesn’t have great pecs, or whatever. I also won’t undergo most of the pain and discomfort that following most of the female attractiveness regimine requires, nor take a ridiculously long time to get ready every day just to get laid or find a mate. I like my granny panties, t-shirts, loose fitting jeans and inexpensive, comfortable flats. I like only spending 20-30 minutes getting ready in the morning. I still do the hygiene related parts, because it disgusting to me and everyone else not to.

So, in the current relationship paradigm, I’m pretty much “doomed” to being alone, because there are so few men out there who would want me with my personal appearance standards. Men seldom stick around long enough to find out how stubborn and opinionated I am, because, to them, I’m a 4, so I’m a waste of their time. The system is very unbalanced and I’m on the losing side.

Just to reiterate my disclaimer: I didn’t mean all women or all men (“straight” or gay) when writing this, just a majority. I know there are some people out there who don’t support the current system. Thanks for reading all 1,264 words. I understand if you went “tl;dr”.