I once had a boyfriend when I was trying a little harder than now. He was a prize. He called me sexy a lot, and on rare occasions, beautiful. It was kind of nice, until I noted that when he specified what made me beautiful to him, it was because I have a large chest and a nice hair color. That’s it? Or thats all that’s important? Ouch.
Of course, this is the same guy who, after reading an article about Sharia law, asked me if I would willingly put myself into his “care” under Sharia law. I wasn’t raised that way, and I certainly wouldn’t choose it. He told me I was against it because I didn’t trust him enough, and that I was obviously a feminist. A feminist? Because I refused to even consider giving control of almost every aspect of my life over to him? Alright, I’m a feminist. He seemed to be very interested in the level of power and control it gave him, as evinced by a later conversation we had about marital rape.
I had commented that marital rape was not considered a criminal act in all states until 1993, and Utah was one of the last states to put it on the book. He said that it never should have been criminalized at all. “What?!?” I said. “I should lose my rights to physical integrity because I got married? If you raped me before the wedding, it’d be a crime, but after, its not?” He had no response to this.
I once asked him a question I was asked in my psychology of women class. “If you could rape someone and never have any repercussions of any type, would you do it?” In my text, some 65% of men and 10% of women said they would. The boyfriend went with the male majority. Another friend of mine later commented that its pretty sad that a lot of people are only kept in line by fear of repercussions, not actual morals.
Sadly, its only looking back on all these things that I realize how many misogynistic tendencies he had. I’m angry at myself for refusing to see it, and even angrier that those things weren’t the reason I broke up with him. No, the reason I broke up with him is because he wouldn’t even look for work. Of course, he had lots of lame excuses for why he couldn’t look for a job. The “best” of these was “I need to wait until after the election.” Obviously all hiring stops in the months prior to the presidential elections. Why didn’t I know that?!?
Now a note on that. I don’t expect a man to support me and my son. I do, however, expect a man to support himself, or, at minimum, make some kind of effort towards it. During the entire time we were together, I was full time in college, when we broke up, I was taking a semester off, but I was also working a full time, paying job. He was living in his parents basement, watching movies and playing video games… Like that was a career… For a 30 year old with a college degree… I’m pretty forgiving, but there’s a point where lazy doesn’t cut it. If you asked him though, he broke up with me for pushing him away. If you call me inquiring once every month or so about his job search, then damn skippy I pushed him away. Guess I’m just super naggy.